I appreciate you stopping by and leaving such a nice comment. They must be tough plants to kill:)  It’s best to buy transplants and plant them in light, well-drained soil in full sun after the last spring frost. My Mom was able to pass down some lilies from her Mom so I think I need some of these lovely urns to plant them in! Think about how they have treated you in the past and how they may treat you in the future and act the same way you would if it was someone outside of your family. It was “liked” by thousands of people. (e.g. I do however, love flowers, and I actually don’t mind gardening. Try your best not to hesitate and even if your family judges you for it, you are no less of a human being. High school graduation, drunk, college graduation, drunk, wedding, drunk. So many of us have witnessed our mothers struggle, sacrifice themselves and suffer under all manner of oppressions. Sometimes it doesn’t fix a thing with that person. Sometimes it’s love ties. Why let someone that should be nurturing do it?”, “Absolutely. The urns with the petunias look amazing on your porch! People believed that if you pretended they didn’t exist, kept them secret, then everything would be OK. We are beginning to realize that this is not true. Parents are people and they are not a different species from other humans.”. My wife, on the other hand, let’s her mom be a part of her life and all that woman does is upset her because, no matter what, her brother will always be better (he’s not).”. I am not one though to splurge much on myself. In our culture, mothers are generally idealized or disrespected. I can be reached at [email protected]. She destroyed favors, she told my uncle whose wife of 40+ years just passed away that she’s burning in hell, and all sorts of other things. Your sweet mom passed her creative green thumb down to you, Debbie! Blood is thicker than water, OP. That toxic behavior cost me friendships and close contact with relatives. It’s not about true connection. That belief is like a poison that can damage the daughter’s self-concept, self-esteem and the ability to form lasting, healthy relationships with others. It’s another family inviting you to their holidays and making your favorite dish. https://www.goodreads.com/quotes/18542-all-that-i-am-or-ever-hope-to-be-i Your petunias and your beautiful new urns look fabulous at your entrance! You may also find a little Question and Answer interview I shared with Balsam Hill here. Sadly, I don’t have that gift, nor trait. At first glance, this can seem like a harmless video, with the intention of honoring the incessant work mothers do. As many of you know who are regulars my Mom was very ill back in January. Love your video Deb! LOL. And your post was delightful! no more having to deal with a drunk parent wanting a ride for smokes at 2am). “Owing” is not about respect. Your email address will not be published. Debbie, I love your gorgeous urns from Balsam Hill! I can see these urns adorning your porch too! A mother’s well-being is not a child’s responsibility. Live life for you, not how you think others feel you should.”, “Ever been on an airplane? But whatever works right! Sometimes people are like that due to fixable issues (be it relapsing into addiction, or being intolerant of the choice of an SO, etc.). Fast forward to me working through some of what happened when I was a kid and I send her a very emotional e-mail. Only children can be abandoned. So happy to hear your mom is doing better! My grandfather always called my grandmother “Angel Mother”. And join my community of 50,000 women from around the world. Can’t wait to see her gardens this year. And it sets up the child for bearing the emotional burden of a mother’s struggles and for learning how to over-function as an emotional caretaker. We must become conscious of the ways in which patriarchy deprives mothers and how that deprivation is delivered upon the children. xo. Finally I prove to be too much of a problem child and I’m sent to live with her. When God was dealing out the “Mother” cards on the day of my birth, He dealt me a winning hand. Her response was that obviously I still had some issues and I should just move on like she did. There are nights where you imagine what it’ll be like receiving a call that she’s died, and that you never got to say goodbye. But true respect is not possible when it is commanded or based on obligation, shame or emotional debt. Trust your gut. There will be nights that you wonder if it might be better, having had time away. My mom also had a green thumb. Mine is addicted to opioids. When we were announced at the reception, she booed. I created Name Stories’ “Mother… They are beautiful and look perfect on your porch. bigoted parents who realize that you can cut them off for being a bigot just like they can cut you off for marrying someone they hate). Best wishes to you and your garden. your feelings and mental health matter, and if you need to push her out to better it, then there’s nothing wrong with that.”, “Both my wife and I have shit mothers. You may unsubscribe at any time. It was hard to not know why your mother didn’t make time for you and it really didn’t get better as I got older. It’s crucial that the daughter get support in de-bunking the distorted patriarchal logic that states that having your own separate life makes you a perpetrator of your mother, that separateness is equivalent to aggression, or that your boundaries are an attack. Children don’t “owe” their mothers. Try to make sure you have enough family/friends in place before you disconnect to make the transition easier on yourself.”, “Giving birth to someone doesn’t excuse bad behavior toward them, don’t consider your parents to be different from other people just because they are your parents. Our job as daughters does not include protecting your mother from her own choices or experiences. In the end, I knew my life was not going to go anywhere with this woman in my life so I left. I haven’t spoken to her much since, and not at all in the last fifteen years. Once she started threatening my life and harassing me at work, my boss (an ex-cop himself) called the police and I cut contact with her. About the only gardening I can do well is container and Urn gardening. But you know what, Mom’s deserve it sometimes don’t you think?! This is our one shot at life. While mine is not as green as hers was, I have managed to keep her plants alive. Passed down from her Mother. It used to make me feel guilt, but you know what? Am, Angel, Hope, I Am, Mother, Owe Quotes to Explore Just as despair can come to one only from other human beings, hope, too, can be given to one only by other human beings. To be fair, my mom’s relatives are narcissists as well and a few of them wanted “legit” reasons to cut contact with me anyways so no loss there for the most part. It truly will be a blessing to know she will be digging  her hands in the dirt this Spring and Summer. Same to you my dear. I loved reading this post, Debbie! You know I am an URN nut and lover. Thanks Jacque! xo, Hi Debbie , what a sweet post.. So happy to hear that your mom is feeling well enough to get outside and do some gardening! Debbie Manno (Debbiedoo's) is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to (Debbiedoo's) (amazon.com). Moving to a different state helped a lot because my mom has anxiety to leave within a 30-mile radius of home.”. They are present in our everyday struggles.

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